Tangled

I'm up late and the house is quiet, so I thought it would be an opportunity to do my first post of the New Year. I don't think I have ever written about this before and if I have, who cares. This is my space and blog. :)

A little after Alexandra died, I saw the movie Tangled. I never expected it to even remind me of Alexandra when I watched it, but it does! How perfect is this?

I've been thinking of her a lot lately. I'm not sure if it's because of reminders like this, a song I might hear on the radio or seeing her brothers grow up, but she is definitely on my mind a lot these days. I miss her. It has been too long since my last visit too and that makes me sad. Joshua still says "bye bye baby" after every bath and looks down at the drain. I don't know if he sees one of the things we have on the tub and thinks that is a "baby" or what, but I've grown to like it and join in now. Maybe it is her, who knows.

Every time I see 2009, I think of her. Everything that happens is now based on 2009. I think to myself, 'oh, is that before or after Alexandra?' Everything in my life has changed in so many ways. Some ways for the better and some not so much. Most days I tend to focus on the negative things and feel so sad about it all. But at the same time, I'm so thankful for what she brought me and the fact she made me a Mommy first and at the moment is my only little girl. I just miss her.