Still here!

It's 3 a.m. and I'm up because Joshua had been throwing up and I can't sleep when my babies are sick. So, I'm wide awake, making sure he doesn't throw up and choke on it and wondering when I became this crazy. Maybe it was when Alexandra died. Nearly 3 years later and I'm still finding it hard to trust that things will be okay, even after the birth of two healthy babies. Every little cough, cold, fever, puke episode makes me think of the worst. I wonder if it would be the same if Alexandra was here and if I would just think they were sick, treat them and be able to be okay with that? Naturally, I would worry as a parent, but would I expect the worst like I do now? Nevertheless, I'm still here in the blog world, even though my posts have become much less frequent. I'm going to try and look more often. Blogging always made me feel better and it introduced me to some lifetime friends. So, what are you up to lately? Joshua is walking!!!! :) about a month ago, he had a febrile seizure from a high fever...also a contributor to my craziness lately, but overall, he's a happy, healthy one year old. He just moved to another room in daycare and doing great. Baby brother, Adam is 10 weeks old. He's smiling a little more and I think he's starting to notice his world more every day. Will have to write more later, but a brief update. I can't believe some people are still reading this thing. Thank you and hello!