A cold reminder

I went to see Alexandra on Halloween since there was no trick-or-treating to do with her this year. The air was crisp and cold, just like the day of her funeral. It was almost too familiar to me. Little pumpkins were left on many of the graves there too. It was so sweet and so very sad. It was a sharp contrast to the other part of the cemetary where there weren't babies. You looked over there and all you saw were the normal flowers or wreaths, but in the baby section all you saw were pumpkins and other things left for Halloween. So many babies that are still remembered and still missed and so very loved.

Everything is reminding me of Alexandra right now, more so than before. It's the cold air. It's the fact that it's fall. It's November. It's me being pregnant again. The only thing that is different is she is not here and I am not looking forward to her arrival next month. Instead, I'm still mourning her loss and I'm trying to figure out what to do for her "birthday" or anniversary. And as much as I love her and remember her every day... I hate every single bit of this new life I'm living sometimes.