November

It's hard to believe that it is November already. The only significant thing in November I had last year at this time, was my wedding anniversary. I remember wondering what to do for it and I think I decided we didn't need to do anything big. I was very pregnant and staying at home, celebrating with my husband was good enough for me. Little did I know, that the day before then my entire world would change and we would be spending our second anniversary in the hospital, mourning the loss of my daughter and recovering from a
c-section.

I think these weeks leading up to her anniversary are the hardest. I'm already having doubts that people will even bother remembering Alexandra. I already know that a few people clearly have no idea when her "birthday" even is. I'm trying to be reasonable. I know that not everyone will know and remember and I do not expect them to, but people who are closest to me, I would like to think that they would at least have some sort of idea what November 16th means to my husband and me. Because I know, if Alexandra were here today, it would be different. I guess in the long run, all that matters is that her Mommy/Daddy remember her, but it hurts to know others really have no clue what this day means to us. I think that's the hardest thing. I don't want to deal with people not knowing and it's bugging me. Hopefully, the day will come and it will be like when I returned to work. It won't be as bad as I thought and I might be pleasantly surprised by some things. Either way, she will be missed. She is missed and this month, I will be thinking of her the most.