Merry Christmas baby

I've often heard the anticipation of the actual day is worse than the day itself. I'm not sure if it's because of where I am in my grief or because it's been a year and the days are getting easier to get through or what, but yesterday turned out to be better than I thought. I still miss Alexandra. I still feel heartbroken every time I think of the fact that my little girl, my firstborn is not here with us today. I still can't get over the fact that I buy things to put next to my daughter's grave. And I really cannot believe that going to the cemetary has become a routine thing for us to do every so often. It still doesn't seem real, nor should it be anyone's reality when you think about it.

Despite all my feelings of dreading the day, it was actually okay and I was able to enjoy it. It was nice seeing the family. Some of them, I had not seen since I announced I was pregnant with Alexandra. I think because of the amount of time gone by, I had doubts about what people would "think" or "say". But none of that really mattered because nobody said those idiotic things I've dealt with in the past year. In the end, it was just family and that's all that mattered. My stepdad even said a nice little prayer for Alexandra. I hope you heard it little girl and I hope you know how much you are loved and missed. Merry Christmas baby.