Day of Hope (a day late)...

Ordinarily, back in the days when I was less lazy, this post would have been up right on time. But now, it's a day late, but it definitely doesn't mean I was ignoring the day or ignoring all of you fellow babyloss mamas. I will be the first one to admit that my blogging has become irregular. And it's not just because of this new pregnancy, though I will admit that it is a part of the reason. I know many would probably read my blog, notice the post that I announce I'm pregnant and then oh look! She's not blogging as much anymore. Maybe she doesn't care, maybe she's forgotten, maybe it's because she's too busy with "pregnant" stuff and can't invest her full time into it anymore... The truth is, it's none of those things, but I can't help but feel a little like this space has been a little abandoned. When I first started this blog, not a day went by that I didn't write here or read every single blog that I followed (of course, then my blog list was a lot shorter, sadly it has tripled in length, but because of that, I have met so many new faces and friends too). :-) Now, I find that I am able to go without reading and/or writing here for a couple of days and I'm okay. I'm not sure if it's lack of things to write about or the fact that my grief has become easier to cope with or that I have gotten rid of all the "negative" things affecting this grief (i.e., people who could care less, are afraid of the word "stillbirth", tell me to "get over it", etc.). Whatever the reason, I will admit that the occasional break does feel almost refreshing. However, I want to make it a point that I still care. :-)

Moving on, yesterday was the Day of Hope. It was created by Carly, a fellow babyloss mama that has created such beautiful projects honoring all babies gone too soon. I'm sure many of you are already familiar with many of them. When I first read about the project, I thought it was a wonderful idea. A day to remember all babies and also a day to honor them. My hospital had already participated in memorial boxes for babies that were lost. When Alexandra died, we were given a box and folder with information on babyloss. I remember being pleasantly surprised when receiving these things. In the box were these items: her clothes that she had worn, a small gold ring (that I now wear as a necklace), her pictures, and a "congratulatory" announcement listing how much she weighed and when she was born. I remember clutching that small, purple box so hard the day I was wheeled out of the hospital. I could not believe that was all I had of her.

When I read about the Day of Hope, I thought about my own hospital. I remembered the box and information I was given, but I also remembered back in March, I had already kind of had my own "day of hope" here! A few months after losing Alexandra, my days consisted of being on the Internet 24/7 just looking for any kind of information that would help comfort me in any way. While stumbling around, I found this site that was actually in my home state. I contacted the woman who created this project in memory of her daughter, Peace and requested a bear for Alexandra. I was so excited when she asked me if it was okay to see if my hospital would be interested in participating in her project and even more overjoyed when she e-mailed me one day to tell me that they had said, yes!! So, it brings me great comfort to know that my hospital is participating in the Peace Bear program and that each bear has Alexandra's name written on the inside of the brochure. A little piece of Alexandra's memory will live on for as long as this continues and it's good to know, one little girl is touching someone else's life in some small way.