A Mother's Grief

I always loved Calvin & Hobbes. This particular series in the strip always touched me too. It was about death and the way it was presented was so sweet and so real. The reason I am writing about this today is because of what Calvin says in the last panel. "You don't get to be Mom if you can't fix everything just right". Parents want to fix everything for their children. It's only natural. I wish I could have fixed it for Alexandra. I wish I could have known something was wrong and saved her. 

So, if I'm hurting and feeling like I want to fix everything for Alexandra, how is my Mom handling all of this? I know the answer to this and it is not well. A grandparent's grief must be doubled. They are faced with the loss of their grandchild plus the pain they feel for their own child.  I know my Mom still cries every night. I know she is devastated and I know she wants to fix everything for me. I know she wants to make the pain go away like she always has during my life. It used to be as simple as putting a band-aid on and giving me a kiss. Now it's not so simple. This pain cannot be erased and it's always going to be there. I think the best thing I can do for her is to let her know I'm okay and not to worry about me. I'm okay and I'm coping. I HATE that though because most days I feel like I'm not okay. It's not okay that my baby died and it's not okay that we have to deal with this every single day. A mother's grief is so complicated and I just wish it could all be fixed.