I have learned to ignore the what ifs after losing Alexandra, but sometimes it's hard. I felt more guilty the few weeks after I had her than I do now. Sometimes I can't help but wonder, what if I had gone to the ER? But we had no reason to go to the ER. There was nothing to indicate anything was wrong. I think that is what frustrates me the most. If only I had some kind of warning.
We had our 35 week appointment to go to that week and never made it. What if our appointment was just a few days earlier? Would they have seen something? Could they have saved her? Was it something I did or ate? Did I work too long? Was I stressed out too much? I just wish I knew what happened. I wish I could have saved her. I wish, I wish, I wish.... I know there is nothing we can do now and there was nothing we could have done then. I just have to keep telling myself we did the best we could.
Looking For You
5 years ago
The what ifs are hard. It's so hard to not torture yourself with them. As time goes on, they will still wander through your mind, just not as loudly. Deep down, though, you will always know that you did everything you could have done for Alexandra. Hugs to you...
ReplyDeleteThe what ifs still haunt me six and a half months later. Like Susan said you just don't vocalize them as much. I know deep down I did what I could and knew to do...you did too. Thinking of you and Alexandra. *hugs*
ReplyDelete