October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. In a couple of weeks, I along with many of you will be lighting candles in memory of all of our precious babies. It's hard to believe there is one month dedicated to this and I admit that last year around this time, I had no clue about it! Why would I? Who wants to think about this after all?? :( I'm also amazed at how fast I can spot a pregnancy/infant loss awareness ribbon on cars when I'm driving to places now. I see some little footprints and I just know. So I guess some people do know, you just have to look for them.
A year ago around this time, I was getting ready for Alexandra's baby shower. I was having fun peeking at my registry to see if people were buying things. I couldn't wait. Next to my wedding day, I think this was one of the most fun days I have had. And believe it or not, I actually did have dark thoughts then. I remember thinking to myself, what if something happens and we have to cancel the shower? How awful would that be? Well, nothing happened...then and I did have a wonderful baby shower. Here are a just a couple pictures of that happy day, almost one month earlier than the month my whole life would change.
This was one of my favorite gifts! It was full of Winnie the Pooh things and Alexandra is now buried with the pink blanket, one of the outfits that was in it and also that bear. I still cannot believe that these were her future things to be buried in and with. They should have been going home outfits and things waiting to be worn by her and played with. I received two other bears just like the one in the picture and we sleep with one of them every night. Seeing my husband hold onto it in the morning some days breaks my heart. It's so sweet and so sad to see a grown man hold onto this bear so tightly because he misses his daughter so much.
I also have to add that one of my best friends gave me this gift and she has stuck by me through all of this. I think every babyloss mama needs a friend like that. :-) So, if you're reading, thank you for being you and thank you for always thinking of my Alexandra!
I finally got back from being away for a couple months and I just caught up on your older blog posts...well not all of them, but a good majority! I just want to say thanks for sharing all of your feelings with us! It makes it a lot easier to know that I'm not the only one feeling these things
ReplyDeleteoh maggie **tears** I can relate so much to this post...the 'thoughts' before the shower...the things she gets that are meant for other uses now...its just awful and im so sorry...today i noticed that anthony's phone screen saver is the picture of alyssa's halloween makeover at the grave..i nearly wanted to die...he should have a pic of HER as she has grown possibly with a first tooth and this is what he has....when WE do things or have things for the baby its one thing, but when i see him and mark do things it just breaks my heart....its not fair, and i NEVER knew about this month either, i said today in my blog i feel like it gets lost in the shuffle of breast cancer awareness and that on its own is a tough battle....so i dont know if it will ever be as talked about but I know October will never be the same for me either *sigh* thinking of you as always....xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh, October....it's such a tough month for so many. I'm glad that you were able to find something that made you smile about this month a year ago. Your shower is a good memory that you can hold onto and always remember the love and support that was given to you. Thank you for sharing, Maggie. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that there is a month and day of awareness/remembrance for those of us who have lost our babies.
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