"How has your relationship with your own mother changed since you lost your little daughter?"

Elaine, one of my newer followers from Waves Over Stones (yay!) asks me this question, "How has your relationship with your own mother changed since you lost your little daughter?"

First of all, not too personal at all! :)  I'm pretty much an open book on here. I always felt like I was closer to my own Mom when I was little. I never wanted to leave her side. I dressed like her. I acted like her (I probably still do! That's a little scary). And with my Dad dying at a young age, she was really all I had for a long time. Then, I got older and grew up. She started to be a "Mom" and I started to get an attitude about every little thing she did or said. I'm working on trying to make it better though...some days are harder than others like all relationships. However, we do get along and I do love her dearly. She was the first person my husband called when we found out about Alexandra and my parents were there the entire time I was in the hospital. After I was released I stayed at my Mom's for a week and I remember thinking it was good for me. It was like I was back "home" again. She spoiled me rotten and made me meals and it was like I was fifteen all over again. I even felt a little sad the day I left to go home.

As far as my relationship with her, I don't think it has changed any more than it was before Alexandra. Mother's Day was a little awkward because I kept waiting for her to say, "Happy Mother's Day" to me and I got nothing, only because she was afraid of upsetting me. So, I had to tell her I wanted to hear it and I needed to still hear Alexandra's name and talk about her. That's what helps the most. Acting like nothing ever happened is worse. I know people want to protect my feelings by not addressing Alexandra, but in the end that is worse. I'm already heartbroken and sad over this, so the silence won't "protect" me at all. However, after I was up front with her and explained everything to her, I think she understood and now it's better. She came with us to Alexandra's butterfly release and she does still think of her as her granddaughter, so that's all that matters to me.