It never stops

Lately, I've been thinking things have been pretty good lately. It's been nearly eight months since we lost Alexandra. The days seem to be going by so quickly, yet sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday. But that pain isn't as sharp as it once was. However, the triggers are still there and they still hurt. Pregnant women STILL bother me. I hate their innocence and I hate that more than likely, they will get to go home with their babies, no questions asked. I think the thing that hurts the most is when I see my friend's babies that were born either before or right after Alexandra was. Seeing those pictures uploaded every month is a dark reminder of what we don't have with Alexandra. It's still hard to imagine that I could be doing that right now, if she had not have died. I hate that I'm missing out on my niece growing up and I worry that she'll never love me the way she should or could have. But I do know I am learning to care a little less about what others think. I have spent a lot of months worrying about what others think or what others feel. I think I'm finally at that point where I just don't care anymore. I know how I'm doing and I know what is important to my little family (my husband, me, my kitties & this new baby) and in the end, I think that's all that matters.