I heard this today at work from someone. The conversation went something like this:
"Hi Maggie, I haven't seen you since you've come back to work and I just wanted to say it's really nice having you back and I'm sorry about everything that happened."
Me- "Oh! Thank you, yes, it's good to be back. Thanks."
I should have run away at that moment, but of course I stayed to hear this:
"Oh well, you'll get over it. Have another one!" and then I get a pat on the back and he ran off to be on his way.
Ouch! and he was doing so well! Why did he have to continue to say anything more after what he said in the first place? Nothing like a reassurance of telling me that I'll "get over it" and then patting me on the back to encourage me. He might as well have slapped me on the ass like a coach does to his football players. At least then I could have tried to sue for sexual harassment and emotional distress. :-) Kidding! Sigh. After hearing that I felt like a flower that had just died. I was feeling okay and then those magic words of "get over it" just make me wilt to the ground. I'll just never understand. I know they mean well. I know they don't know what to say. But damn...ouch!
Looking For You
5 years ago
Maggie I could SMACK him for you if you like...WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE....i mean really, who says that??? I know we excuse these comments with they dont know, but really if you dont know THEN DONT SAY ANYTHING...Im so sorry sweetie, I dont know what else to say. Thank God its friday and you dont have to see him tomorrow hopefully. You know just like me, that no words are the right words, people just should learn to not think of these babies as expendable. Regardless of future babies these are still our babies...period!! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteAwe, people just want to make you feel better and say things that they think are right so they can feel but then just end up making things worse.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
That's the most convoluted notion - that having another will make everything better. That was my least favorite thing to hear - "Well, it's not so bad - you can have more kids." Sorry you had to hear something so unhelpful today.
ReplyDeleteohh Maggie! I am sorry about this! ((hugs to you))
ReplyDeleteWow... that's an "Open Mouth, Insert Foot" moment if I ever heard one... some people just don't understand. Hugz.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why people would think we'll 'get over it'. Blows my mind really.
ReplyDeleteHugs and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Makes me more determined to keep working from home rather than going back into the office.
Maddie x
It is so hard because it is just like you said. We know they mean well and that they do not always know what to say, but it still stings when they say it. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteOMG! I would've had to set him staight...People can be so freakin insensitive! ((HUGS)) and I"m sorry that you had to hear the ignorance, unfortunately, you'll hear it a lot :(
ReplyDeleteI hope when he ran off he tripped!!
ReplyDelete(Kidding, of course... well kind of!)
Insensitivity stems from ignorance... I hope someday that what we are all doing here and in our "real" lives can open others up to what babyloss is really all about and what they can do to help not hold us back.
Jaime
xo
He deserves a HUGE throat punch from ME! Seriously, who says that!? I am so sorry Maggie, I think I would have lost my cool.
ReplyDeleteAlright this is my fourth attempt to comment, (writing then deleting) and I've decided that if I can't say anything nice I won't say anything at all.... I'm too furious for you at this ...guy. See I did it. I referred to him without putting insults before his name. I knew if I tried long enough I could get it out!
ReplyDeletethat is truly shocking. what a jerk!
ReplyDeleteOh Maggie, I know that must have really stung. I hate that the world thinks we will *ever* get over the loss of our babies. Thinking of you, xo
ReplyDelete"you'll get over it?" Like someone broke up with you or something? No dufuss, someone died. My daughter died. I'll never get to see her again. No, I won't get over it. argh!
ReplyDeletePeople are stupid. Not intentionally - most of the time they really just don't know any better. I also got one of those 'are you over it yet?' comments before Christmas, and a few weeks ago someone told me that I would be all caught up if I was carrying twins this time around. Neither person meant any harm, but they just didn't know any better. Frustrating none-the-less. Hugs...
ReplyDelete*hugs* Maggie, I would have given him a piece of my mind. He apparently is a clueless individual. People just don't get it. I hope you don't have anymore run-ins with him.
ReplyDelete