Alexandra would have been four months old today (would be or is? why is this so confusing to me?). I guess she would have been understanding language a little better and maybe on the brink of blurting out some words or at least some noises. I only know this because I had to look it up online. She might have been eating solid foods too. It feels strange to me that I could have a baby who is doing all of these things now. The more and more I think about it, the more and more I start to believe that this whole thing was a big cruel joke, where instead of the "Ha ha! Fooled you!" I get the worst possible outcome ever and it's not funny. I just feel a tremendous amount of disappointment and sadness. I feel like this whole thing is one long bad nightmare and I cannot wake up and I'm just stuck.
I wish I could have heard your little coos and giggles Alexandra. I was so ready to belt out "Baby Got Back" like Rachel on Friends when she sang it to Emma! You would have thought your Mommy was hilarious! I'm so sorry you're not here with us and I hope wherever you are you are having fun and I hope you have a lot of friends. Love you little girl. Happy four months! XO
Looking For You
5 years ago
So sorry...it is unfair and I wish it were all just a bad dream. Remembering Alexandra too.
ReplyDeleteRemembering with you. I think I lost my mind at 4 months. The reality and unfairness kicks into high gear right around this point. Just remember that you have to go through but you will make it. The days won't seem so cruel, eventually.
ReplyDeleteHugs... It sucks. Just sucks. Everything about it. I wish with everything I have the next few months are as peaceful as they can be. I keep reminding myself that I will look back some day and be amazed by the things that I have survived. It seems cliche, but some days it gets me through (and other days, not some much - just to be honest). Hopefully it might help you a smidgen... More hugs and warm, fuzzy thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that your precious girl is not with you. The first months or year even are just sooo hard and I wish you all the best as you navigate through each day. Am glad that you have found this online community as for me it was an absolute lifeline. Hugs to you and remembering your girl.
ReplyDeleteI wonder the same things. I am so glad we have all found each other to cope and grieve together, because only us can really say... I understand.
ReplyDeleteHappy 4 months Alexandra. Your mommy is amazing!! Maggie, my heart is with you today. I pray your week brings you smiles when you think of your little girl, instead of tears. God bless you. xoxo Antoinette
ReplyDeleteHugs - Happy four months Alexandra wherever you are. I hope your day was OK and you have don't have a stressful week to add to the saddness. I am sure she would have thought you were hilarious!
ReplyDeleteHappy 4 months Alexandra!
ReplyDeleteToday I have got some advertisements in the postbox that they congratulate us that our baby is now 4 months old so he can eat solid food.It is one of baby food brands!It is sooooo unfair!:(((
Sing with me, Ladies...
ReplyDelete"I like big butts and I cannot lie!"
I wish Alexandra was with you too, MAggie.. you would have her in a fit of giggles with that one!
Jaime
xo
Happy 4 months Alexandra!! Send your mommy some love She is really sweet :)
ReplyDeleteI love that Friends episode LOL. I am so sorry you do not have that opportunity with Alexandra I am thinking of you.