I feel like I have an entire new crop of feelings of anger and jealousy all over again and it's pissing me off! After I dropped out of doing my SIL's baby shower that's the last time I heard from her. Pretty strange considering she was texting me nearly every day before then. I thought she understood, maybe not. I'm just guessing this of course from not hearing from her in over a month and her random facebook posts. She knows I see them. I'm tired of feeling frustrated. Yes, I understand I volunteered to do it and then backed out later. But I left her with other people to help. I didn't just say, okay, it's all you, have fun! If she wants to be mad at me because I dropped out of doing her shower because her pregnancy hurts me too much, fine. Be mad. I really don't feel guilty. All I know is I'm tired of being the bigger person in all this. I was the one to let her know to call me and tell me she was pregnant because she was too afraid to do it herself. And today I got her shower invitation. Oh joy. She knows how to knock me when I'm down, I'll tell you that much. I hate feeling jealous. I hate feeling angry. I wish I could feel happy. I wish I could feel excited. I wish I couldn't wait for a shower to go to. I wish I had Alexandra with me. This whole nightmare would have been my dream come true then. A Mommy and a new Aunt. Sigh...
and oh yeah...when does this stupid hair loss stop? It's driving me insane!
Looking For You
5 years ago
I'm right there with you... I offered to do a baby shower for my best friend because she was going to do one for me for Kaelen but I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through it if I did... Thankfully she declined and said she didn't want one...
ReplyDeleteAnd the hair loss is still going strong here too... I am so tired of seeing it everyday all day all over me and in my clothes and on the floor and on the counter et al... It's just a constant reminder of how empty my arms are and what I don't have...
Hugz.
I am going to go to my first baby shower in a few weeks and i dont really know what to expect. She did ring me up first and ask if i would want to go and she understands that it is going to be hard and will understand if i back out. I think i am fine going to this because it is for one of my BLM friends so i know that she doesnt take her pregnancy for granted.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard sometimes being the bigger person with all we have to worry about, it shouldnt be left to us to be the bigger person.
My hair was falling out like crazy for a good 6-8 months. I was so happy when it finally stopped. I had major bald patches. I hope that your hair will stop soon. Its not right all the physical changes that happen to us too.
Xxx
I'm sorry your SIL is being like this. Some people can be just so self centered and it drives me nuts. It took about 6 months before my hair settled down and stopped falling out.
ReplyDelete*hugs* It sucks all around. Be mad and don't give a thought about it.
ReplyDeleteIf she doesn't realize what an ass she is being, then that's her narcisistic MO.
ARGH!!
Be gentle with yourself. Baby yourself. Be selfish, now is the time. Now is the time for you and everyone else can f*&k off.
I hope the hair loss stops soon, make sure you are taking vitamins and trying to eat at least.
*big hugs* It gets better, you have to believe that.
hey, my SIL didnt invite me until i asked her parents why she hadn't ..lol
ReplyDeletei really understand. you and i both have to watch a little girl grow up in our family who should have been our little girl's best buddy. it is not fair. period. not fair.
Some people just do not give a shit about other peoples feelings...and your sister in law is being very unfair giving you the cold shoulder. My friends seem withdrawn too as i am no longer in the 'having a baby club' along with them and it hurts like hell! BUT this has been a great eye opener... to see who genuinly cares,is loyal and trustworthy.
ReplyDeletehugs to you
Angel's Mummy
people really aren't that fair and can't understand sometimes why we are so hurt by the fact they are happily pregnant and we are not. I had some friends who I lost because they couldn't understand I needed some space to digest their pregnancy while I had just lost my baby. *hugs* You are definitely not alone and you are definitely not wrong.
ReplyDeleteYou need to take care of you right now. Don't forget that...if there is one time in our lives we are allowed to be selfish...its now.
Nobody will understand us or feel the same way we feel unless they go through the same.Unfortunately, this will never change as long as we live.There will be always somebody whom we will be jealous of or mad because of their perfect pregnancy,perfect babies en so on.Maybe we should not look at the others anymore.We have to try to take care of ourselves although it is not easy.
ReplyDeleteXXX
Freya