About a year ago I became pregnant with Alexandra. I'm not sure when, but it was sometime around this time last year. I didn't find out until late April. It's hard to believe. I look back to then and I'm kind of right back to where I started. I didn't know if I could get pregnant, but I was hoping to. I was very close to thinking of calling my doctor just to make sure nothing was wrong. By the time I thought of doing that though, that's when I found out! I cannot believe I am back to this point again of wondering and waiting. Granted it's been a very short amount of time trying, but I am a natural worrier and I imagine either it taking forever to get pregnant again or not at all. I hope that is not the case. I just cannot wrap my head around the fact yet that I'm back to square one. Not pregnant and no baby. How did I go from being pregnant with a baby to this so fast? It doesn't seem real and I hate that this is my reality. I'm trying my hardest to have some hope and reassurance. I did get pregnant and I did have a baby. It can happen again. Only this time, I want to bring that baby home and hold him/her in my arms. I'm hoping maybe next year things will be vastly different!
And by the way, a note to my insurance company. Do your homework. Next time you want to call me about Wellness exams and my participation in your maternal benefits program...take a glance at my medical records and see what they say. The terms 'stillbirth' and 'fetal demise' are everywhere. Get a clue and stop harassing me!
Looking For You
5 years ago
Big hugs to you Maggie, and so sorry ur insurance has been harrassing u , that stinks!
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that things will be different for you (and me) next year too! I hope you can get pregnant again soon! It WILL happen. We WILL get our rainbow babies :)
ReplyDeleteMaggie, I am sending you baby dust, baby dustballs, and however much baby magic I can. I dont know how this happened to us. And for your insurance company, I had the same thing, except instead of a phone call I got a huge pamphlet on "your baby is coming home soon, lets get ready" HELLOOO does anyone read the file first?? I am so glad you are finding comfort in my blog. It is really doing a lot of good for me, and I finally got Anthony to read it today (he actually asked me) and he was a mess and he finally let it out and although it hurt me to see him hurt, he now understands my pain and has let me see he is in as much pain too. I feel like we know each other and I talk about alexandra as if her and Alyssa are friends. That was the first name I wanted to name her, but anthony chose Alyssa. Maybe they are together playing (i hope) and they brought us together too :) have a good day sweetie and remember positive thinking brings positive things...hope u get ur BFP this month
ReplyDeleteMaggie, (((many Hugs))) to you!! I am really sorry about the insurance company, they do really need to get a clue and a heart.
ReplyDeleteSo many "milestones" if you want to call them that - I am so sorry, I hope we will be comparing baby photos before too long!
ReplyDeleteoh, no...I hate insurance companies..We keep getting letters but no calls - ick!! I'll pray for your next baby to come soon!
ReplyDeleteIck that's awful your insurance company would do that. Obviously they don't check, phone and rip someone a new one and hopefully it'll stop. As for TTC, I'll be sending you loads of babydust. Hugs
ReplyDeleteOuch! Lame insurance! I remember I'd cringe every time I got some coupon or free sample in the mail with J's name on it.
ReplyDeleteI know for me, I wondered the same thing, but with the grief and everything else, it took awhile for my body to get back on track. In the end, I did a few cycles of birth control to kick my hormones back into shape and the very next cycle off, that's when it happened. But I too worried something was wrong, even tried Clomid (because my doctor appeased me even though she didn't think anything was wrong).
I'm hoping it'll happen soon for you hon! *hugs*
Maybe we can do the 'pregnant after loss' journey together. Sending you love.
ReplyDeleteI also hate all these insurance companies, baby solidfood companies,and baby clothes shops, so on...If they go on like this, I will send them a letter!!STOOOOOP making me sad, I have enough sorrows!!!Dear Maggie, I wish you a very quick, healthy, problemloss pregnancy.We keep in touch during our journey.
ReplyDeleteBig big big hugs...
Freya XXX
You will get pregnant again... and I know I will too... it's just hard waiting through all this pain... hugz!
ReplyDelete*hugs* Its very easy to feel like you won't get pregnant again after loss, but sweetie you will. It happened once and it will definitely happen again.
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