Looking For You
5 years ago
March 14, 2010
So very tired
I'm starting to think I'm running out of things to say. Sometimes it feels like I'm saying the same things over and over again because I feel all the stages of grief over and over again except for that damn acceptance one. Some days I think I have it and a lot of days I don't. I'm just so tired of everything. I'm tired of feeling sad. I'm tired of feeling jealous and angry. I'm tired of seeing people just stop and stare because they don't know what else to say. I can see them thinking of it in their heads. 'Should I say something? That poor girl. I don't know what to say, okay I'll just stand here and then be on my way'. I'm tired of missing her. I wish I didn't have to miss her. I wish I could miss her just when I'm away at work. Now I have to miss her every day for the rest of my life. I'm tired of wondering if I can even get pregnant again. I know it's silly to think considering we are just starting to try again now, but the worry is still there. What if this was it? It's just scary. I'm just so very tired of everything.
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I can totally relate...in fact I hesitate to post on my blog because I feel like I am saying the same things over and over. But I think most of us who are reading understand and feel the same way at one time or another. I am tired too of all the above.
ReplyDeleteGrief is exhausting but it eventually gently fades into the background. Feel free to say it as often as you like. Just getting the thoughts out of your head and into the blogoverse is healing. Acceptance and peace all come in time. It'll be so gradual you won't even see it coming. *hugs* Grief is work and you're workin' hard mama!
ReplyDeleteHugs. I'm sick of being sad all the time as well but I'm just not ready to not be if that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI hope some more gentle days are coming your way.
xx
*hugs* I haven't been posting on Jonathan's blog lately as I haven't had anything new to add. I know how that is, but it is your blog and if you need to say something regardless if you have said it before, we are here to listen to you.
ReplyDeleteGrief is very emotional and tiring. I know it is hard, but try to be patient with yourself. We are all here traveling this road with you. xx
ReplyDeleteI too feel like I am a broken record... I often use my online thesaurus just to make it sound a little different!!
ReplyDeleteWe are the unlucky ones who can't talk about the new milestones so we have no choice but to repeat the same things... and it feels good to do so at times... so do it, Maggie! We all get it!!
Jaime
xo
Just say it again, if it felt better to say it the first time it might help to say it a second - maybe every time it will feel a tiny bit better. Hugs, I hope you have a good week.
ReplyDeleteSay it thousand times, it is very normal.We will say the same things 10 years later also or 30 years.I said to my husband, the only thing that can help me to be "old" me again is to bring him back,but this is impossible so we will feel always the same, will say always the same things until we hug our kids in the heaven.
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