Looking For You
5 years ago
May 20, 2010
35 weeks
On the radio show I listen to, one of the hosts is pregnant (of course, right?). Anyway, this week she is 35 weeks pregnant. 35 weeks. This was the time that I actually finally felt somewhat relieved. I had gotten to 35 weeks. I was homefree! After that point, I knew I could really go at anytime. I literally had relaxed a little bit and thought to myself, the only bad thing that could happen now is stillbirth or SIDS. I vaguely remember seeing some Grey's Anatomy episode about a stillbirth and I remember thinking how horrible that must be. But it was way before I was even pregnant, so it never hit home and I probably just shrugged and thought nothing of it, except for the fact that it was really sad, wondered how awful that would be and hoped that would never happen to me. Well it did, one day later. Every time someone reaches the 35 week mark, I cringe, hoping that they will get past that week. At the same time I catch myself feeling envious and wondering if anything "bad" will happen. I would never wish this on anyone, but those feelings come up again and again. However, every single time that does happen, part of me knows that they will be able to bring home their baby. Why wouldn't they be able to? It's a one and a million chance. Never happens...except to us. :-(
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Maggie - I know how you feel. Most babies with the syndrome Matilda had live and go on to lead normal lives after initial surgeries etc. So not only were we the 1 in 14000 but inside of that group we were also very unlucky.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
((Hugs)) Maggie.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you talking about? Babies die all the time. Don't they? j/k
ReplyDeleteI think I'm always shocked to hear when one makes it...how sad is that.
I wish so much that Alexandra was one of the ones who did.
*hugs* And next time the whole time will be stressful, but we'll all be here for you to help you through it..
The same thoughts come over me all the time. Many, many hugs to you!!!
ReplyDeleteDo I even NEED to say anything....im right there...I was "clear", it was the "safe" zone..I had the same outcome..im with you with every word..xoxo
ReplyDeleteI feel the same feelings all the time. I'm sending out some great big virtual hugs today!!!
ReplyDeleteDitto to what everyone has already said...I feel that same way. Much love Maggie.
ReplyDeleteI started watching reruns of Grey's about a year ago when Lifetime started running reruns from 6-9 pm. About 2 months after Gracie died, I turned the t.v. on in the middle of the stillbirth episode. If I had watched it prior to Gracie's birth, I would have thought about how awful it is, and how awful it was for my friends who went through it 3 1/2 years ago...and how horrible it would be if I had to experience it...but of course the ending thought would be the same...this kind of thing doesn't happen to me. I think most of us lived in that bubble until that fateful day...
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