Dear Oprah

As some of you may know, a few babyloss mamas thought of writing a letter to Oprah regarding issues of stillbirth/pregnancy loss. It was a great idea from Kalialani at The Butterfly Room. You can write your own letter to Oprah here. Ever since Alexandra died, one of the things that has frustrated me the most was lack of information regarding stillbirth & pregnancy loss. Nobody ever talks about it. It's too horrifying and taboo. A lot of times, people like to sweep it under a rug and pretend it never happened, which is the absolute worst thing I think a person can do. When someone dies, they are remembered. Tributes are made, stories are written, memorials are had. But when a baby dies, people grow silent. Relationships end. People just don't know what to say or how to deal with the loss, which leaves bereaved parents to feel very alone and uncared for. They are forced to deal with people denying the fact that someone was pregnant, carried a baby for however many months and in the end, had to deliver a stillborn baby or have the pregnancy end in a miscarriage or other kind of loss. I often wonder if a celebrity had a stillbirth, would this get the word out? Not that I'm hoping and wishing for another stillbirth, but if one did, would they start to raise awareness on this topic?! I know there are a number of celebrities that have had stillbirths, but it was never addressed. I don't know if it was because it was a few years ago or what, but I often wonder if one happened right now, would it bring awareness? So many talk about breast cancer or heart issues, what about stillbirth?

A few months ago, I decided to write to my local paper and propose an article idea to one of the reporters. I told her a little bit about Alexandra's story and asked her to consider writing an idea about stillbirth/pregnancy loss. She wrote back and told me that she agreed the topic was never talked about. She seemed to agree with me that it was a good idea to write about this issue. She said she would love to meet with me sometime and talk. That was about three months ago. I'm still waiting. And I know it's not an issue of lack of article topics because I see new articles written from her every day relating to current events. Today she wrote an article about LeBron James. Enough said.

So, when I saw this Oprah idea, I decided to take a shot and write to her. Why not? Even if she never addresses it on her show, at least I did something. At least someone will read it. Who knows. And to be honest, I'm a little afraid of Oprah's power. She tells people to read this book, see this movie or vote for this person, and they DO it. How can one person have that kind of power? I don't know, but this is what I wrote to her. I hope someone takes the time to read it. And it would be great to see it become a show, but I'm not going to expect anything from it. But, I do have a little hope. A little hope for me, a little hope for so many bereaved parents and other babies, and most of all, a whole heck of a lot for Alexandra.

Dear Oprah,
I am writing on behalf of myself & bereaved parents everywhere. On November 16, 2009, after what appeared to have been a healthy pregnancy, my daughter was born still at 35 weeks gestation. My due date was not until December 20, 2009. My family was looking forward to having a Christmas baby. I had come so far and had only had a few weeks left to go in my pregnancy. In a matter of minutes, my life changed. Imagine nearly nine months of anticipation and planning for your firstborn daughter. Baby showers had been had, classes had been taken, and a nursery was ready. All we had left to wait for was our daughter. The minute my doctor mentioned, "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat" my dreams crashed. My daughter died, along with so many of my own hopes and a part of me. These past six months have been hard and trying. This loss has changed everything in my life, from relationships to how I live every day. And it's even more frustrating because nobody wants to talk about child loss. Please help be one of the first to break this silence and address issues of stillbirth/pregnancy loss. There are millions of bereaved parents suffering, who feel alone. Please be someone who can take that first step, reach out and make a difference in all of our lives.