Looking For You
5 years ago
May 25, 2010
Hard to believe
The other night, I spent entirely way too long of a time looking for the perfect butterfly stake to put at Alexandra's grave. By about the second hour, I had to stop and think about what I was doing. I'm looking for a butterfly stake to put in the ground, next to my daughter's grave. Is this actually happening?! Sometimes, I can't believe the things I catch myself doing. I ordered some butterflies like Antoinette did, so I can release them in our backyard as reminders of her. I started this blog because of her. Before I thought blogs were stupid and selfish. Who cares about what people do every day? And why put it all online? Well, I understand now. I wish I could spend hours looking for new outfits for her and new toys for her to play with. That's what I really want to do. I don't want to do any of this other crap at all, but I do. *sigh*
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You know how I feel about this...the only toys we get to buy are "garden accessories"....it is so sad, and yet you spent ONE HOUR because you wanted the perfect one...Alexandra wont have any less attention on her stuff now or if she was here....Im sure you picked the best one and the one she liked too...I dont want to do this either...clearly...but what choice do we have? No one asked us what we wanted, this is all we CAN do...that is even sadder *sighx100*
ReplyDeleteI used to think the same things about blogging. It amazes me how things can change in an instant. I like that you are going to release butterflies for Alexandra. So sweet.
ReplyDelete*hugs* I wish you could spend hours shopping for her as well.
ReplyDelete*sigh* Just keep muddling through. You're doing great. WE miss her always!
I hate those moments where you just can't believe this is happening to you. I"m having one of those moments now. One day at a time right...thinking of you :-)
ReplyDelete*hugs* I find myself doing the same. What an amazing idea to release butterflies!
ReplyDeletelove and prayers
elena
Argh, I know I look at things in the store and I find myself searching out things to somehow fill the void ... it never works for me, I know I just think why?
ReplyDeleteThe butterflies are a great idea.
Hugs xx
That is soo sweet releasing butterflies! ((Hugs)) to you Maggie!
ReplyDeleteAnother post taken right from my brain. Over the course of the last 10 months I have also spent hours looking for things that were perfect...but in the end, there is just nothing perfect enough for an angel baby... I used to feel the same way about blogging - we have a friend from college who has chronicled every moment of his son's life (he is now 3) via blog. They started the blog the instant she got pregnant and have posted EVERY possible detail that can be posted...we all used to poke fun at him...but now I get it. I sooo wish that I didn't, but I do. Although it will never be the same as doing it for and with Alexandra, I hope with everything that I have that you are soon blessed with a rainbow to dote on and love as much as you love Alexandra.... Hugs to you...
ReplyDelete