Looking For You
5 years ago
February 11, 2010
Dates dates dates
My job is basically dealing with deadlines every day. I work in a patent law firm and we file patent and trademark applications. So it's weird to see past dates now. Dates like November 9, November 16th, November 17th... I remember seeing future deadlines and thinking to myself how I would have my baby by then or thinking I was one month closer to having Alexandra. Now I look back and think how happy I was at that time. I was carefree (well, not all the way carefree-I worried!) but as weeks passed I got more and more confident and hopeful. I was happy. Life was exciting. Then I see November 16th and think to myself about how I was in the hospital. That's the day our lives changed forever. It's the day Alexandra's heart stopped beating. Now future dates don't seem to matter anymore. I dread future dates now instead of looking forward to them. I hate that. I can't wait to have something to look forward to again.
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I totally know that feeling and it sucks, as well as the innocence we have before having a loss of a child.
ReplyDeletehugs to you.
Oh I know this feeling all to well. I remember on christmas being so excited because we would have our baby here next Christmas... I was so wrong.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
I'm so sorry you feel this pain
I know what you mean, it is sort of like your life goes into pieces of before and after. I hope you have a good weekend, hugs!
ReplyDelete*hugs* After loss there is such a feeling/yearning for something to look forward to again.
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