Trying again

Trying again scares me and yet that's all I want to do. I want to be able to give Alexandra a brother or sister and I want to bring him or her home with me this time. I know nothing can replace Alexandra and I certainly will not think a new baby would ever replace her. I just need to be a mother to a child I can hold in my arms. I'm so worried though. Will I even be able to get pregnant again? What if Alexandra was my one and only chance? And if I do get pregnant again, what guarantee do I have that this baby will not end in a miscarriage or God forbid another stillbirth? It's a chance I'm willing to take, but it scares the hell out of me. A lot of people have already said even though it happened once, it doesn't mean it will happen again. That's nice to think and all, but it did happen. It doesn't mean it can't happen again. At this point I'm convinced I have nothing but bad luck and bad odds against me. I already met those odds. All I can really do is try and stay positive and hope and pray that next time I will be able to take my baby home with me. It's just hard when all I can think of is I had a dead baby. What if I'm a woman who can only have dead babies?  Should I just give up and get a couple more cats instead? I don't want to though. We are so ready. We have everything, but the baby and the house feels so empty every day. I can't stand it. I hate that I can just pick up and go to a store or wherever I need to go. I should have to worry about packing up a newborn or worrying about a sitter. But I still have that freedom and I hate it more than anything.