First of all, thank you for all your comments yesterday. Your support was a bright spot on my dark day. To say that yesterday was a bad day is an understatement. I have never been so hurt, angry and upset all in one day (well... let's see, the day I found out Alexandra had died was a pretty bad day too, but at least I wasn't hurt). I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people acting like they know what to say and what to do, when they clearly have no idea. What amuses me the most is the majority of the people who supposedly "know" and "think they know" what I need and want are the people who never see or talk to me on a daily basis. How do they know what I need? Don't tell me how to grieve. Don't tell me what you think I need to do. Don't tell me I'm crazy and need to go to therapy because I'm having trouble "coping". There's no possible way to see how I'm doing and feeling if you haven't even been there for me these last six months. My friends who I see every day know. My husband knows. Many of you know. Others do not and it frustrates me that they think they do. I'm doing fine considering all that has been thrown at me in my personal opinion. I get up every day. I go to work and do my job. I go out with my friends. I can enjoy seeing movies or doing other activities. I'm not some hermit that is shutting herself away from the outside world. I'm not shutting people out of my life, though sometimes it might look that way. If it looks that way, chances are you're either pregnant or have a newborn and I'm just not ready to see you. Do you think I really want to hang around and pretend to be happy and carefree about everything? Do you really want me to cause some terrible scene of me breaking down in front of you and making it all awkward for everyone else? Because I'll gladly do that if that's what you want. Maybe I'm trying to not ruin your happy moment, think of it that way.
I have many days when I don't want to get up and face the day. I would love to lock myself in my house and refuse to go anywhere sometimes, but do I do that? No. That's not a life and I cannot stop living my life. People may think I've stopped living and all I do is focus on the past and Alexandra whenever I post a new picture of her name, but that's not what I'm doing. I'm just trying to remember her and let her memory live on since that's all I have. Some people have pictures of their babies as they grow up. I have pictures of her name. Deal with that. I'm doing the best I can. I'm still standing. I'm still living and I refuse to back down and let this stupid grief consume me because of thoughtless people. Alexandra wouldn't want that and I'm going to show her how awesome her Mommy can be! :-)
Looking For You
5 years ago
I have a feeling that Alexandra already knows how amazing you are, and she feels the overwhelming love you have for her! I hope today is a better day!
ReplyDeletexoxo Corrine
http://www.alluringbathandbeauty.blogspot.com/
*huge hugs* People are so clueless.
ReplyDeleteThere is no such thing as "not coping." Just because they see you do things they can't possibly understand doesn't make it wrong. This is a very good post. You are doing much better than I am (in the way of not shutting yourself inside). It's now our job as parents to keep our babies' memories alive - so good job mommy! You are ab
ReplyDeleteAs I was trying to say.....You are absolutely right to say you won't back down..good for you.
ReplyDeleteWe all cope in our own ways, and for someone to say the things that were said to you - well that just shows how small minded they are.
ReplyDeletei hope it gets better for you.....
You are so dead on! This is how I feel when people try to tell me how to act, how to feel and how to "get over" my loss. WTF is that?! I will never "get over it" so dont even say that to me and No, you DONT understand because you havent been through it. Frustrating, I know but do what you are doing and keep your head high! You are doing GREAT mama!
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mommy! I am proud of you for standing up for Alexandra...people forget so easily that our babies are loved forever by us and nothing changes that!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right!! You get out of bed and function in the world. You are COPING. You have lost your daughter. People are so dumb. They think that losing a child is different after birth. They don't realize you have lost a child--it doesn't matter how old she was. A mother's grief is forever
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing great, it has only been six months - not that there is a time limit but I can't even imagine someone thinking that six months would be it. Sometimes I feel like giving in and saying I should be doing better than I am doing but then I just have to remember - oh wait, my baby died just six short months ago. I am not sure what people think they are doing when they say these things? Anyway - big hugs and I hope they back off.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing mom.
xx
Seeing the babies names brings us smiles at a time when we DONT have a thing to smile about when it comes to them. I guess you can call me a hermit, im depressed and I DO see a therapist. But that only good thing about grieving is that it has no rules. EVERYTHING you want to do to make yourself feel good maggie DO IT....do not concern yourself with people who just want to ADD on...im finding myself in the same situation..."they want to help" yet they make it worse..."they think we are going crazy" well i say bury your kid and tell me if you are crazy?? or you are heartbroken, i like to think there is a difference. I can not imagine having to have a niece so close in age with Alyssa and feel what you are feeling...but i know the feeling I get when i see an infant and the relief I get of knowing I can go right in my house and not "hurt" anymore. With time you will be able to be around her, but there will always be that part of your brain that will relate EVERYTHING she does to Alexandra, and THAT is normal...that unfortunately is the side effect of losing a baby....im here maggie, we are still in the pit too bad we dont smoke or we can use a lighter to show us the way out...i have a feeling it will be dark for a few more days but with time the light will creep in and eventually we WILL see some sun...xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
ReplyDelete((Hugs)) Maggie! Alexandra has a great Mommy!
ReplyDeletewww.thisadventureourlife.com
This is why I hate people...or at least many of them. I try to remember that some of them do mean very well, but that doesn't always help. Keep doing what you need to do for you, and try to let the rest roll off (I know...much easier said than done, or I would have accomplished it by now...) Hoping that the rest of your week was better....
ReplyDeleteMaggie, I don't really know you, but I read this and think OMG this woman is amazing. Alexandra knows she has a great mommy. It's obvious :)
ReplyDeleteAWESOME post!!! So true!!!! Yes you are right you are doing a great job!! I have been there myself with those who are NOT around me on a daily basis judging my grieving and trying to fit me to their mold of how they think grieving the loss of a child should be. I still am so amazed that people who have not been there actually go there and say the things that they do like they know.
ReplyDeletelove and *hugs*
elena
you are a wonderful mommy to Alexandra and i am so sorry about those things that were said to you. ((sigh)). so glad i read about the attendant, but i am still feeling so riled up for you!
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