Lately, I've been trying really hard to listen to normal conversations and care like I did before all of this went down. But, all that runs through my head while someone is telling me something is, that's nice, 'I have a dead baby'. I hear what their saying and I do care, but it's always there in the back of my mind while I'm listening. I guess the important thing is that I'm trying and that's all I can do. I will admit there are many times when I actually don't care and I don't even feel bad. But then there's that guilt issue creeping up on me when that happens. *sigh* I wish I could think, 'Oh! That's something Alexandra would love!' or 'I can't wait to experience that with my baby!' Someday right? *sigh* Someday. Not with Alexandra, but with her sister/brother of course.
On another subject, I am entirely blown away by the amount of donations I have received for Alexandra's walk! I am well over my goal and have raised nearly $1,000 now. Thanks to those of you who have donated and thanks to those of you that inspired me to do this for Alexandra! I really wasn't sure about this before, 4 miles?? I'm lazy. I barely feel like walking down to the end of the street, let alone getting up at 8 a.m. on a Sunday... but it's for Alexandra and a good cause, and that's all that matters. I really hope all of you who participate this coming weekend or have already done so have a great walk. I'll be walking and thinking of all of our sweet babies. Thank you. :-)
Looking For You
5 years ago
Sometimes I just wonder if you are living in my brain or maybe you have those little butterflies come to you and tell you what im thinking...I feel the same way except when they talk i hear "blahblahblah"....i can not tell you how many times i ask them to repeat what they are saying and they think im ignoring them, but i just cant focus...all i think of is why am i not holding this baby right now....CONGRATS on the donations!!! It wasnt what I originally started to walk for either, but im loving that people are caring about her and the angels...I'd usually say get your own brain, but in this case its nice to share a brain with you ((hugs)) you ARE doing the best you can, even now.
ReplyDeleteyou guys are great, when people talk to me,im like WHATEVER!,I couldnt give a toss about anything at the moment or what goes on in peoples lifes that doesnt involve a loss of a baby..its like i can only relate to people that really know how I am feeling. does that make me sad? nasty?.... i only care about you guys! x
ReplyDeleteCongrats on all the donations, that is amazing. I hope you have a good time on your walk. I know what you mean about talking to people, sometimes I walk away and think - what did I even talk to that person about?
ReplyDeleteThat is amazing Maggie! You will do awesome on your walk for your sweet angel! You are a great Mommy!
ReplyDeleteOh, can I relate. In some ways I have become more compassionate and in most less compassionate. I will be thinking the same thing only sometimes I scream profanities in my head. It's like "oh Im sorry your boyfriend is playing head games with you and u can't decide if you should stay together but I HAVE A DEAD BABY B*%#H!! Sorry that was my rant...
ReplyDeleteHope you enjoy your walk even though it's a long one! That's so great that you raised so much money!
sometimes I just pretend like I hear what they are saying, but other times get caught LOL.
ReplyDeleteI hope to walk next year. I am so excited so many women have. :)