Post 96!

Questions 8 & 9

Aside from wanting to be a mother, what is your passion in life? Is it a different passion post-Alexandra...or is it the same (but perhaps changed just a bit to reflect the changes in your life)?

I guess my passion in life has changed a few times. Before I was married it was hoping to find that perfect someone. Then I got married and I'm not sure if I really had a passion to be a mother, even then. It was always something I wanted to be, but like I've said before in this blog, I never really knew how much I wanted to be one until I lost Alexandra. So what is my passion now? I think it is to try my best to keep Alexandra's memory alive. I'm so afraid of people forgetting her. I feel like a lot of people act as if I never had a baby and it hurts. We'll mention her name and we get silence or a lot of heads looking down to the floor, not exactly sure what to do. I hate that. I would like people to remember her. It makes me so sad every time I go to the cemetary and nothing is there, except maybe whatever we left. I know this kind of relates more towards Alexandra, so if I have to pick a passion that is purely a "Maggie" one, then it would be my marriage. :-)  I want to be a good wife and best friend to my husband. I want to be one of those cute old couples you see sitting on a bench whom you just admire because you know they have been together for so long. Just looking at them is an example of pure love. And that one hasn't changed since Alexandra. I think I've always wanted that since my wedding day. I cannot think of anything else I have a clear passion for, so that's it!

What is your favorite childhood memory from when you were little?

I think my favorite memory is hanging out with my Grandpa. I had the best Grandpa (or at least that's what I like to think). He was more than a Grandpa to me. My Dad died when I was only eight so he kind of played the father/grandfather role for a while and I spent tons of time over there while my Mom was working. So, death was nothing really new to me, except I never would have thought one day I would have to deal with my own baby's death. Anyway, I have a lot of fond memories with him. Camping and going to the airport to watch planes take off are memories that really stand out. Neither of which I would ever do today! I hate camping now, I'd rather be in a fancy hotel! And you just aren't allowed to watch planes take off from the airport where we used to go. It was some closed off field and we would sneak in there with lunches and just watch the planes fly overhead. It was pretty cool. He wasn't just a Grandpa, he was a best friend. As I got older I would call him on the phone and we would talk like best friends. It feels good to know Alexandra has such a wonderful great-grandpa with her now. I hope they are having fun together and I hope he's teaching her everything he taught me! The riding a bike and driving will have to wait. She's a little young for that. :-)