I was on Facebook the other day, my friend and foe. One of my friends posted something like, 'imagine a day without kids!!' then said something else and it just stung. It was almost as bad as a pregnancy announcement, but not quite as bad. Here's someone with all the kids she wants now and she's trying to imagine one day without them so she can have some peace and quiet. Sure, I understand that. I get it. But the way I identify with it now is I spend each and every day without my daughter. I don't have to imagine it because I'm doing it every stupid day and it sucks.
Then to make matters worse and to torture me even further, I went to my SIL's profile just to see what she's been up to lately. I should know better. There's a reason why I hide her now, along with the other half of all my Facebook friends who have babies and/or expecting one (you'll be glad to know all of you remain "unhidden" since you well, get it). Anyway, she posted something up a few days ago like she had twenty-three days left to go until her due date, unless the baby wanted to come earlier than that. Twenty-three days. I never got to that point with Alexandra. I almost made it a month until her due date and that was cut short. It just made me depressed I never got that far and she's so very close to having her baby in her arms. Why I had to torture myself like that, I don't know. But it ruined the rest of my day and I think I'll just go through the rest of my days never looking at her profile again. It only brings pain, like so many other things. *sigh*
Looking For You
5 years ago
I do it too. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteAs usual, you are in my brain....I had to post that on FB today because a friend of mine who has a daughter who is very sick (terminal illness) and may one day be an angel mommy herself, posted on sunday the day she knows i am walking "today is the day Anthony Jr will be born" then that night i felt awful as you read and i go on FB and see "one word for him perfection" really?? cause alyssa was perfect too, oh wait one thing though SHE WASNT BREATHING...is that too depressing to post?? so today i posted something like that to make them uncomfortable, why should i not? anthony says just delete FB so you dont have to hear things...UM no way!! i told him my angel mommies are and were right there with me and we are not going to hide under that damn rock, although it is a safe place, i choose to make THEM go under the rock....you SIL is shocking me because this was her niece who passed as well....i mean yes she is happy but she doesnt know that these things hurt you? have you spoken to her at all? she needs a time check...!! I feel bad for your hubby...that his own sis is so insensitive to him as well...what evs...i got your back as usual!!!
ReplyDeleteMaggie the day i came home after having Angel i deleted my facebook account. I couldnt imagine what i would feel like reading post after post about babies. ie wooohooo not long left now, i cant wait to meet my son/daughter. so it all went just like that. i have not looked back since because i know how much pain it will cause me. I am tempted to open a new facebook just for us mummy's.
ReplyDeletestay strong honey, wishing you gentle days
Angel's Mummy x
*huge hugs* I am so sorry. Facebook can be so frustrating sometimes.
ReplyDeleteDid I already tell you that I deleted my acct for several months, as well? I only turned it back on after several lbms invited me back on. When I turned it back on, I deleted 50% of the people who knew me in real life. I know I've turned into one of those annoying people who do pregnancy updates. I hope you'll be there again, too. xo
ReplyDeleteyep. facebook is a problem.i was so very tired of every facebook post from my SIL being about her baby girl (whose name she stole from my name list, but that is another story). then after her latest attacking FB messages, i just deleted her off mine. i was tired of reading her posts, and all my posts she responded to were rude. and i thought , wh should she be in my "friends" when is most certainly not a friend?
ReplyDelete((hugs)) Maggie!! Thinking of you, I am sorry about FB :(
ReplyDeleteSometimes FB can be so evil, even though people don't "mean it" it still sucks. Thank GOD for the hide button!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, it is hard not to peek and find out what other people are doing even though you know it is going to hurt. The last few weeks I have been deleting a person from my FB about once or twice a week, it is a bit satisfying.
ReplyDeleteWhen ever someone i know has a baby or pregnancy announcment i usually delete them from my friends. I hate it when all they ever say is how much they hate having no sleep and that they hate not being able to have a life anymore. I hate it even more when i see posts from people who have kids but are always talking about how much they are partying. It makes me so angry that they are out getting drunk everynight while they are leaving their babies at home or having parties at their houses while their babies are there. I hate facebook sometimes. Most of the time the only reason that i log on is for all of my baby loss mums. I have tried finding you on facebook but i cant because i dont know your last name.
ReplyDeleteI just realized how far back I had to go in your blog to catch up...shit, it's a good thing you post lots of stuff on FB. :-)
ReplyDeleteI have these days, too. I want to be happy and excited for people who are expecting, but I am not going to lie...the envy is still there, even in light of Beana. And when I read things like "8 months down, 1 to go" my brain automatically jumps to "how do they know that? how do they know that tomorrow...or the day after...or even the next day, they won't wake up to find themselves the newest member of this club? Not that I would wish it on anyone in a million years, but everyone takes for granted that they will not end up here. I have not deleted anyone from my FB list, but I have hidden feed from those who do nothing but complain about their kids in every, single post.
On the flip side of the coin, I post very little about Beana there for the same reason. I am sure once she is born it will be different, but for now, there are too many BLM friends that don't need to read it unless they want to ... and then they will go over to Beana's blog.
I am so ready for the reset button...sometimes being a BLM is nothing but a big mess of emotional worms, no matter how you look at it!!!